Dear Facebook Friends and Followers…

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Dear Facebook Friends and Followers,

I have come to realize that many of you don’t really know me all that well. I want to give you a quick snapshot of who I am so you can make an informed decision as to whether or not to continue your association with me. Maybe my way of life and ideology doesn’t conform to your beliefs and you’d be better off deleting me from your friends list. I believe in truth-in-advertising and despise hypocrisy, so here goes:

1. I drink beer, rum, and whiskey anytime I feel like it. I usually have my first beer as I’m taking my morning shower. I’ll kill a six-pack while I’m working throughout the day, and then close the laptop in time to make it to happy hour. I usually get drunk at the bar with my friends and use this time to send out Tweets and write Facebook posts. After happy hour ends, I’ll pick up a grande-sized beer at 7-11 to drink while I watch re-runs of Sanford and Son until I pass out.

2. I sleep with way too many girls and usually don’t even know their names.

3. All of my friends that I physically hang out with on a daily basis and who I would call if I needed help with something, are hookers.

4. I often cuss and use profanity.

5. I’m not religious and I don’t go to church. No, I haven’t found Jesus because I’m not even looking for the guy. I respect your right to worship whoever or whatever you please.

6. I dislike the United States federal government and their foreign policy, and have the balls to say so publicly.

7. I believe in Freedom of Speech.

8. I believe in everyone’s right to pursue happiness in their own way, without being told what to do by others, the government, or the church.

9. I casually refer to women as “bitches”. This is mostly just another loving word for woman, girl, chick, etc., but can also be used in a derogative sense if necessary. The same goes for “motherfucker”.

10. I really don’t give a shit if others do not approve of my hedonistic lifestyle. Life is short and then you die.

With this knowledge, please evaluate whether or not I am a good fit for your friends list. Realize that profanity, references to sex, love, romance, divorce, women, pornography, overall bad behavior, and political rants may come across your news feed. Especially with the upcoming release of The King’s Chronicles, the content and discussion on my page may not be appropriate for some folks.

Thanks for your time.

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