Why Did I Leave Facebook? Because I Hate Cats.
≡ Menu – Mark Blackard

Why Did I Leave Facebook? Because I Hate Cats.

I got on Facebook late in the game and never really spent that much time on the site. Someone would send me a message and it could be weeks before I logged in and received it. I would usually post a political rant or two when I was sitting at happy hour and mostly drunk. It was cheap entertainment while I sat there drinking my beer.

Facebook was not important and I never considered it to be a serious part of my life. I eventually took the time to delete everything and say goodbye. By the way, if you do decide to dump your Facebook account and try to clean it up before you deactivate it, the process is a pain in the ass.

Top 3 Reasons Why I Left Facebook

I’ve simplified my list of reasons and narrowed them down to the top three.

Reason #1 – I Hate Cats

I hate cats. I can’t stand them. They shit in your yard, scratch up your belongings, and spray stench out of their asshole to mark their territory on your porch. I could go on and on but let’s discuss how cats relate to Facebook. Here’s the thing: I don’t want to see pictures of cats come across my feed. But, when you have a hundred “friends” it’s inevitable that someone will post a pic of their damn cat. This will happen on a daily basis. That means that at least once a day, if I were to look at the feed, I would see a cat.

There is one cat in this entire world that I don’t mind seeing. He’s sandy white and his name is…uhh…I don’t know the cat’s name. The cat belongs to my son. Do I honestly want to see photos of the cat? Hell no. But, I do want to see photos of my son being happy. For some reason, he loves that cat and likes to take pics with it. I love it when he posts new photos because he’s my kid.

For everyone else in the world, no matter how good a friend you are, I don’t want to see your fucking cat.

Reason #2 – Facebook is a Total Waste of Time

Any time you spend on Facebook is mostly a waste. When I say waste, I mean that it’s not productive. It’s just entertainment, similar to watching a movie. When you look at it like that, most people could go see two full movies every day of their lives for the amount of time they spend playing Candy Crush Saga. It just consumes too much of your life with little return on investment.

It was either Gary Vaynerchuk or Mark Cuban (can’t remember exactly who it was) who said in a Youtube video I watched that not having time to start a business is a bullshit excuse. They went on to say that if you just cancelled the satellite or cable television, it would free up an average of four hours per night. That’s 28 hours per week you could spend on starting a part-time business while you’re still at your regular job. Apply that to the amount of time you waste on Facebook looking at cats. You could convert that time into something that puts money in your pocket or use it to spend actual (not virtual) time with your family and real friends.

Since I left Facebook, I have reclaimed precious minutes for my daily routine. Even though I was an infrequent user, those minutes add up.

Reason #3 – Nobody Really Gives a Shit About Your Posts

Do you really believe that your 783 fake Facebook friends care about what you have to say? Do they really give two shits about how you’re feeling? No, they do not. They have busy lives themselves. They are hitting that damn “like” button as if they’re robots programmed to push any “like” button they see. Most people could probably push the “like” button while they’re dead asleep. They’ve done it so much that it’s automatic. They don’t like your post. It’s just an indicator that they are on their feed, they’re alive, and scrolling.

Do a little test. Post something on Facebook about how you are sad because your cat got ran over and smushed by a big truck. If thirty minutes later someone shows up at your door with a six-pack of beer and gives you a hug, then that is probably the only person out of 783 who actually cares about you. Therefore, you have one friend and not 783. Wouldn’t it be easier to just call your one real friend and discuss the situation over the phone?

Facebook “likes” are just not tangible currency. They’re closer to being an element of a video game.

The Future of Facebook? It Will Slowly Fade Away.

What do I know about international business, the stock market, and social media? Not much, so take this part with a grain of salt. Don’t go sell all of your Facebook stock because of my opinion here.

I’ve never liked Facebook. But, I didn’t like Myspace, either. To me, Facebook was and is just Myspace Part II. It was never anything new or innovative. The only real thing that was new at the time of launch was the exclusivity issue. You had to have a .edu email address to join. That was it. It got people hooked because it was a by-invitation-only club. That made everyone else want to get a membership card. But, once it opened up to the masses, how was it any different than Myspace?

Myspace sucked because there was so much noise, ads, spinning shit, flashing lights, etc., that it was exhausting to just try to read a message. Facebook came in with a clean interface which was refreshing. It felt like you could breathe and relax. However, in the present day, Facebook has gone down the same road as Myspace. You’re staring at ads, shit flashing, boxes popping up, etc. It’s crowded, noisy, and busy. Same shit different day.

The popularity of Facebook is like a fashion trend. Facebook became the “in” thing and went big to where everyone wanted to wear the color blue. But, sooner or later, the masses will tire of wearing the same color and Facebook will no longer be fashionable. It’s happening as I write these words. It’s on the way out, in my opinion.

I think that Facebook will eventually tank. Yep, I said it. Don’t think it’s possible? No one thought Enron would go tits up or that the Titanic could sink. Shit happens. The Facebook story will be studied for centuries at every business school in the world. If drawn on a chart over two decades, the growth and decline will look like a single, big camel hump. Sort of like one of the chocolate hills in Bohol, Philippines.

I give Zuckerberg credit for becoming a billionaire at an early age. However, he’s overrated. You want to know why Mark Zuckerberg is a billionaire? It’s because his father taught him how to code. Simple. It’s not because he is some genius and social guru like everyone has made him out to be. It’s because he knew how to take a concept and make it dance on the internet.

The Winklevoss twins had the billion-dollar idea, but unfortunately they were too busy rowing their little boat and never learned to program. Therefore, their idea got snaked out from under them by a kid who knew how to register a domain name. Zuckerberg took their exclusivity concept and merged it with a minimal and sleek version of Myspace. Voila! Facebook was born. The real credit should go to Zuckerberg’s father, the creators of Myspace, and the twins.

The funny thing is that Myspace wasn’t even an innovative concept. There were software packages before Myspace called portals that basically did the same thing. Myspace just happened to catch on and became the flavor for a while, much like Facebook is now.

Nothing stays the hot topic forever. Think about that. Facebook will jump the shark at some point in time.

Thanks for reading.